So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
