you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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