The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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