There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
