apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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