Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
