whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
