If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
