Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
