You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
