went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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