where am i from again
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
