she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
