Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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