im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
