I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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