I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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