He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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