I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
