Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize