They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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