I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
