Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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