How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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