Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
