I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
