My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
