R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
