I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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