when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
