Whod you bang
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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