His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
