My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
