we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
