Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
