she was so not down for the gang bang
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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