Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
