I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
