You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i've created a new STD.
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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