Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
