May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
