i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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