You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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