I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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