every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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