Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
