I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
