i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
