bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he was CRYING into my vagina
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
