i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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