Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
