i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
