dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
