Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
