drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hippo gnu deer
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
