my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Semen is not good for contacts.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
