No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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