and you said cock pushups were impossible
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
