Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?

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(573): View more from Missouri

I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair

(573): View more from Missouri

Found more tequila

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(843): View more from South Carolina

so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.

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(970): View more from Colorado

i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.

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(613): View more from Ontario

You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.

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(850): View more from Florida

I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

Condoms?

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