just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
